Shopping Cart Users

These are the people that try to put the front end of the cart up on the curb around the medians. The cart doesn't stay there and they spend a lot of time trying to make it stay. They could have put the cart in the depository in far less time and effort, but they keep trying anyway.

Normal appearances:

Women who are dressed in clothing that apparently have a limited amount of walking mileage. Therefore, they wisely refuse to take the extra steps required to save time and effort.

Men that look as though they are in need of "servicing". They probably don't have a wife, or the wife does not see fit to perform service on a regular basis. It is unknown why these people continue to be "proppers" instead of pushers. Testosterone, I guess.

These are the geniuses that unload the cart and simply push it away from their car. Once the cart is released, it is on it's own. Drivers need to beware of the Pushers' carts. I was once side swiped as I drove through a parking lot by a cart that was obviously used by a pusher.

Normal appearances:

Fat guys that apparently think they look sexy in that muscle shirt that can't contain their bellies. A large amount of hair is plainly visible protruding from their armpits. A bead of sweat is sometimes seen forming on the fore mentioned hair.

SUV driving Soccer Moms that are in too much of a hurry. If they don't take the baby out of the cart before the merchandise, they'll probably forget to take it out at all. They have been known to get home after the shopping or a soccer game and say, "Now where did I put that dadburn baby!"

These are the people that unload their cart and simply leave it there. Sometimes, the cart prevents them from turning enough to get out of the parking space. So, they just hit the cart, pushing it into the automobile next to them. Other times, they just leave the cart sitting in the space next to them. These people are related to the pushers, in that once left, the cart is on it's own.

Normal Appearances:

These are often soccer moms that do not have a younger child. Therefore, there is no need to be in a hurry by pushing the cart. Taking the time to just leave it is acceptable.

Old people that are able to ambulate through the store until they are too tired to push the cart back to a depository. These people are typically to small to see over the steering wheel, let alone the rear view mirror so they leave the cart behind some other person's car.

Young single mothers of at least six children by different fathers. You can normally tell these people before they leave the grocery store because their rug rats are clinging all over them holding candy that the mother can afford because she paid for the groceries with food stamps and/or WIC vouchers.

Snooty people that drive BMWs, Mercedes', or Lexus'. Often these people are legitimatly too good to be expected to return a cart to a depository. Special preveleges should be extended to these "leavers".

These people are a more patient variety of the "levers". They have more time to make sure that the cart does not roll away after leaving it. At least for a few seconds. These are the ones who will leave the cart and watch it to see if it rolls away. If so, they stop it, and watch it again. If the cart does not roll away in a four or five second period, then run like hell before it starts rolling again.

Normal appearances:

Old blue-haired ladies that appear that they are on their way to Sunday school. They are often proudly wearing the pearls and other precious jewelry that they won at the weekly bingo tournament held at the local chapter of the VFA.

Younger people that are probably married and are no longer in such a hurry to move to their next destination because, there is nothing to do when they get there anyway.

"Curbers" park at the curb in front of the store while they do shop. Shoppers that spend an excessive amount of time in the magazine and book section are likely to be "curbers". "Curbers" unload the cart while cussing about the parking ticket. The cart is then pushed of left on the curb in front of the store.

Normal appearance:

Appear as people who would be likely to read the "New York Times", "USA Today", and the "Wall Street Journal" every day. This variety is normally wearing slacks, a white shirt, and a tie.

Some of these may be dressed in casual attire. This variety shops throughout the entire store at a leisurely rate. Usually wearing flip-flops and short pants with no underwear (you can tell because the pants are riding up in the crevice). They came it to get three or four items but come out with a half full shopping cart.

These are the people that try to pass the shopping cart to unsuspecting shoppers heading toward the store. Most frequently, the act as though they are helping the incomming shopper by relinquishing control over the cart, preventing the need to to go to the cart section and start shopping immediatly upon entering the store. If no incomming shopper is available, these people often become "leavers" or "proppers".

Normal appearance:

People that look like as though their I.Q. is about 6 (That means stupid looking people). However, these people often appear smarter than the people that accept the carts from them.

These people go through the trouble of pushing the cart to a depository but leave the cart next to it, rather than pushing it inside the depository. They have never been taught what the depository is for, but they at least try to use it. This likely is a result of a "leaver" parked next to a depository. The unsuspecting "Uneducated One" simply followed suit, leaving his cart beside the depository.

Normal appearances:

Usually covered in freckles and have buckteeth. Sometimes they may actually have up to a third grade education. An almost sure sign of these people is their license plate. They put their name on their license plate, but use no vowels.

These are the ones that take the trouble of taking the cart to the depository, but are too tired to push it in straight. This causes a jam in the cart depository.

Normal Appearances:

Usually big, fat, short-breathed people. Nice enough, but not much for stamina.

Average looking women without degrees.

These are the people that push their carts to the depository. Once arriving at the depository, they try to straighten up the mess of carts strewn by the "Good Intenders".

Normal appearances:

Men or women that usually look as though they have nothing better to do. Quite often, these people are ugly or nerdy looking people that have no life or spouse to go home to. Some theorists suggest that the "shopping cart snafu ritual" is used to join like ugly or nerdy people that would otherwise never get to meet anyone.

Busy bodied people with stupid looking hairdos or hats that often feel it is up to them to fix the snafus caused by the "Good Intenders". This variety may remind you of Hazel or Aunt Bee.

These people were once referred to as "normals", but since the decline in shopping cart morals, they have become a minority. I believe that Affirmative Action should be extending to cover the "abnormals" in shopping preferences. Such as, reserved abnormal parking, or a checkout line for "abnormals". These are the people that actually take the cart to the depository, and push it into the back of another cart, so that the carts are forming a line in the depository.

Normal Appearance:

See "Normal appearances" section of "Goody two shoes".

The actors are the people that are seen sprinting through the store shopping at an alarming rate of speed. Once outside of the store, they hobble back to their car that is parking in a handicapped space. Once unloaded, the cart is left in the painted median beside the parking space, preventing future wheelchair people from exiting their vehicles without assistance.

Normal Appearances:

Usually goofy looking men that may appear at first like the "abnormals". These people seem to come out a lot during the rain. At times, they are followed by a gaggle of children.

These are the people who push the cart back into the store, returning it from whence it came.

Normal Appearances:

These people's appearance can be deceiving. They can take the appearance of any other shopping cart user. In order to predict who these people are, one must first see them in the store. They normally look both ways at the end of an isle in order to prevent a shopping cart accident. When stopped in an isle, they will usually pull over to the right, to allow other shoppers to pass safely. These people would rather walk down an extra isle than to barge down an isle that is full of stopped shoppers.

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